THE RIKONIAN WAR
CHAPTER VII
"You guys are the best! Really, I mean that!"
"Um, how long is he going to be like this?" Snake asked.
Deadboy looked at Emperor Prosek, who was still under the influence of some of Phase World's finest brew. "I don't know, but this reminds me of my old college fraternity."
"I love you guys! Hey! Let's pool our money and buy our own bar!"
"Well, Deadboy, we need to get him sobered up!"
"Deadboy, Snake, we're goin' to Vegas! Woohoo!"
"Um, no Karl, we're not," Deadboy countered. "We're going back to the CS."
"Let's go to Tijiuana! Let's hey guys? Guys? Where you going? Hey, wait up!"
* * *
Enterres was deeply focused on his meditation. Knight was playing with a shiny object. Weasel Boy was batting around a ball of yarn, despite the fact that Draconis had repeatedly told him that was something that cats, not weasels, did. And Flash Fighter was watching the TriD set. "Wow! It sure is convenient that these guys all speak English!"
"We interrupt this program to bring you an urgent news report! We now go to Snap Branflake for the exclusive!" The holo-image flickered, then reformed into a guy in a suit standing on top of the massive city-state known as Center. The camera panned up to show a giant, 6 mile tall humanoid wearing a leather jacket and aviator goggles.
"OK, look up." Snap said. "See that? Good. That's my exclusive. now if you'll excuse me, I'm catching the first Rift out of here!"
"Hey guys!" Flash Fighter said, "I think we have a problem!"
Enterres snapped out of his meditation and looked at the Tri-D. "Oh, that? Yes, that's the Zerstörer der Welten come to destroy Phase World. He's a bit early."
* * *
The Zerstörer der Welten pulled his arm back to begin the first strike against Phase World. Then he glanced at his watch. "Hmm, I'm half an hour early. Oh well," he said as he pulled a half mile tall paperback copy of the latest John Grisham novel from a jacket pocket.
* * *
AnubisXy and Rodimus Rat were trying to get to the spaceport. The line was very long.
"Wow, this sure is a long line!" ROdimus said.
"You can say that again," AnubisXy said.
"Wow, this sure is a lo-- ouch! Why did you hit me?"
"I hate that joke."
A group of five Canadian guys got in line behind them.
"Wow, it'll be one week before we get through this line, eh!" one of them said.
"That joke's been done, eh."
"Hey, eh. It's all been done, eh."
"Dammit, eh!" one of the Canadians said. "I can't stand to wait in line long!"
"Don't worry eh," another one said. "I built a new machine!"
The Canadian guy pulled out a surveying eyepiece, took note of some distances, then pulled out a bizarre machine and pressed a button.
Rodimus Rat saw a small piece of cheese on the floor and ran after it.
"Hey!" AnubisXy shouted. "Get back here! We'll lose our place in line! Hey, you don't know where that thing has been! Hey!" Anubis began to go after Rodimus Rat. And that one action was the only thing that saved his life from the antimatter wave that the Canadian guy's machine emitted.
* * *
"Come on, cheer up chum!" the sword said.
"I don't wanna," Arthur sulked.
"Hey, listen, when evil is afoot sometimes you have to give good a hand because if you don't thent eh spleen of society just..."
"If I agree to go on this mission, will you shut up?"
"Um, sure thing chum!"
The Lady B'rsl'yr was pacing impatiently when she saw Arthur and his sword come back into the room. "Well?"
"OK," Arthur said, "we'll help you. But I don't like this..."
* * *
"And you know what to do then?" the Lord High Rikonian asked.
"Of course," said Braydon. "I am to go and slay the evil AnubisXy in the event that he somehow survives Phase World's destruction."
"Yes, good. Now go prepare."
As Braydon left, Murdly asked the Rikonian how he could be certain of his loyalty.
"Oh I know he will not try to slay me. You see, Rikonian does not rhyme with psi."
* * *
Rikonia is a vast realm. Existing in a pocket universe, it has as much space as a small galaxy.
"Wow!" The Doktor said. "Ziz plaze is fantaztic!"
The group of villains stood on the side of a giant cystalline canyon. Strange swirling colors filled the sky as ion storms raged in the distance. A giant citadel stood int eh distance.
"It's beautiful!" MerMei said. "But I'm still a little depressed about letting all of my old teammates die on Phase World."
"Well, yeah, sorry about that," the Lord High Rikonian said with a shrug. "But hey, with the time it'll save us, maybe we could catch a movie or something."
"Great!" Murdly said, "I think we should try that one Grisham movie! YOu know, the one with all the lawyers!"
* * *
As Mek's skyboat approached Phase World, he saw the giant world-killer drifting there in space.
"Hey Bri, come get a load of this!"
"Huh? What is it now, I'm trying to -- holy crap! THat dude is huge!"
"Yep. So, uh, should we go to Phase World, or jsut skip it?"
"Let's wait and see what happens."
* * *
As the Zerstörer der Welten drifted toward Phase World, BruteForze and Tymero flew toward him.
"As a Knight of the Forge, I shall smite you villain!" Tymero shouted. He flung his cosmic sword at the giant. The sword just bounced off. The Zerstörer simply flicked him away and he flew several thousand miles before righting himself and flying back.
"Little help?!" Tymero shouted.
"Uh, sorry dude," BruteForze said, "but I'm not a Vogue Knight, so I'm not obligated to fight that thing. Besides, he's frickin' huge!"
"First of all," Tymero shouted, "I am a Cosmo Knight! Second, it should be your duty as a Blaize to defend these innocent, er, um, that thing is pretty frickin' huge isn't it?"
"Yep."
"Ah hell with it. Let's just go to Rikonia."
* * *
The group of heroes stood defiantly atop Center staring up at the giant.
"Well, this is stupid," Draconis said. "I mean, holy Nintendo! He's frickin' huge!"
"Hey come on!" Drakenred said. "Let's think happy thoughts!"
Just then, as the giant world killer began drifting closer to Phase World to begin his campaign of devastation, a robed figure who appeared to be even more mysterious than Enterres walked up. He extended an arm and chanted some words from a long dead language.
* * *
"Haha!" the Zerstörer der Welten thought, "that little robed guy thinks he can defeat me?! I am a fragment of the life essence of the Lord High Rikonian himself! And he is just a -- what the?"
The robed guy on the planet that the Zerstörer der Welten was about to Zerstöre, er I mean destroy, raised his arm, and a glowing crackling giant energy hand appeared. The hand reached several thousand feet into the sky. The forefinger was tensed behind the thumb. The thumb flew to the side and the forefinger extended outward violently, with force enough to send the Zerstörer der Welten flying several million light years away.
* * *
"Yeah! I knew we could do it!" Drakenred shouted. Hey! Wait a minute! He dropped his book! It's falling this way!"
The book fell on top of Drakenred.
The group stared at the giant book that had fallen atop their ally. "Alas," ROnin said, "that's like, a real bummer."
"Wow, it's like, he died so early." Flash Fighter mused.
"It is sad. This doesn't mean we can't go for ice cream does it?" Knight said.
As the group stood, heads down, a small kitten sized dragon slipped in behind them and stared at the book with them.
"It's just so sad!" Weasel Boy said.
"Yeah, it is, isn't it? hey, who died, anyway?" Drakenred asked.
"Oh," Flash Fighter said, "it's terrible. Drakenred got crushed by that giant book! And, and... er, wait a minute... shouldn't you be dead right now? No offense."
"None taken. Well, there was a small crater I saw jsut before the book fell. Being kitten sized does have some advantages."
Knight started at Drakenred. "Hey! You look just like our dead friend! Wow!"
"Um, Knight, you see, Drakenred there is..." Draconis noticed the quizical look on Knight's face. "Oh hell with it, yeah he does look a lot like our dead friend, why don't we ask him to join our party in rememberence. Sheesh!"
"Well, now that that's done," Weasel Boy said, "I think we should go so that I can rescue MerMei and gain her undying gratitude!"
"No way bumwipe!" Draconis shouted, "I'm gonna rescue her."
The two superheroes started arguing and fighting with each other.
* * *
"Well Mek," Bri said, "Let's go. They beat him!"
"Let's skip Phase World."
"Why? They beat the giant! He won't be back for a long time!"
"Yeah, that's true," Mek said, "but now I'm scared of that robed dude."
* * *
Ronin turned around and noticed the robed guy again. "Wow! That was amazing work!" Ronin said. "But who are you?"
The robed man pulled his cowl back, revealing a face that looked almost like Captain Riko. The main difference being he had pointed ears and somewhat more delicate features.
"I am the greatest elfin sorceror ever to walk the Megaverse. I am Riktalon. We cannot stay here. The evil has returned to its homeworld. We must journey to Rikonia."
On to Chapter 8