|
Realm of Rikonia
Rikonian Revuze
(Movies)
|
|
|
|
| Go to film:
|
Sort By:
|
<< < 1 2 3 4 > >>
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/14/2009 12:00:00 AM)
Rating: 4.00 shots
Genre: Action/Comedy/Drama
Starring: Jim Belushi, the guy from that show about the magic newspaper, and a hot chick
Plot: OK, I missed the first 15 minutes, but where I came in this up and coming hit man (the newspaper guy) wants to join the ranks of this "Family" but the Don wants him to learn the ropes from this master hit man (Belushi). The master hit man turns out to be a nut who comes off as part Yoda, part old guy from Karate Kid (Arnold from Happy Days), and all Jim Belushi. The wacky stunts he has his poor apprentice doing to learn the secrets of killing for money are hilariously ridiculous.
Viewing Advice: Watch this film.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:58:31 PM)
Rating: 4.00 old creepy Nazi bastards
Genre: Suspense
Starring: Some Dude, That Guy Who's Playing Magneto, "Mental" Geller From Friends
Plot: Based on the Stephen King story of the same name, a spoiled brat yuppie bastard high school kid finds a Nazi in his neighborhood and blackmails him into telling about the whole Nazi experience. It's a bit formulaic and predictable at points, but for the most part, it's a highly original and unsettling film.
Also, the film is actually based on the story Stephen King wrote. Which is very surprising given King's track record of movie "adaptations" at the time this movie was made.
Viewing Advice: If you're looking for a scary and creepy flick in the psychodrama dept. rent this. If you're expecting Stevo to spring a mutant telekinetic or devil car or something on you, then maybe you should go with another of his flicks.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:56:06 PM)
Rating: 5.00 boomsticks
Genre: Horror/Comedy
Starring: Bruce Campbell, some English people, and quite a few zombies
Plot: This movie has it all! Well, OK, maybe not everything, but close. It has time travel, zombies, wit, one of Bruce Campbell's better performances, and lots of chainsaw-slicing and shotgun-blasting of evil dead guys.
Ash Williams (portrayed by Bruce Campbell despite being a chick in the Mass Effect video game) who has already had his girlfriend get possessed and try to kill him and had to cut off his own hand, gets time warped back to medieval England where he has to get the Necronomicon back to return to his own time. He screws up, an army of darkness (hence the title) arises, and one of the coolest battle scenes I have ever seen transpires. This movie rocks.
Viewing Advice: I would recommend watching it from a videotape so you can go back and rewatch stuff, but however you do it, SEE this movie!
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/18/2009 4:22:26 PM)
Rating: 4.00 tax returns (bazinga!)
Genre: Comic Book/Horror
Starring: Wesley Snipes, Kris Kristopherson, Norman "hey, I was in Boondock Saints!" Reedus, Ron "I spent several years in beast makeup on TV but I look freakier without it on!" Perlman, and weapons. Lots and lots of bladed weapons.
Plot: Blade finds out that Whistler, his old mentor is being kept alive by vampires, so he rescues him, along with his new mechanic sidekick (Reedus). But there's more than a simple rescue mission afoot here. A new strain of evil mutant vampire has arisen, and it feeds on humans AND vampires! Blade ends up leading a squad of vampire hunter-hunting vampires in a desperate mission to kill off these new ubervamps before they spread too far to be contained.
Viewing Advice: Watch this movie, preferably with the brightness turned up a little, because a lot of this movie takes place in dark blue-lit sets. Then watch it with the commentary!
GENERAL ADVICE: Pay your taxes.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:51:43 PM)
Rating: 5.00 gay Green Goblins
Genre: Zany Crime Movie
Starring: Sean Patrick Flannery, Norman Reedus, the Green Goblin, a somewhat goofy Italian guy, the Scottish guy from Head of the Class
Plot: The Russian Mafia is horning in on an Irish neighborhood, and two Irish brothers have a run in with them that almost gets them killed. The two brothers take the fact that they managed to come out on top in that encounter as a sign that they are vessels for the vengeance of God and become vigilantes. Their friend the goofy Italian Mafia guy joins them on their crusade to stamp out crime and zany highjinks follow.
Viewing Advice: You MUST rent or buy this movie. I recommend buying it because you'll want to watch it again. Be sure to get the DVD, because the deleted scenes and gag reel are not to be missed. Especially the hilarious deleted scene where the brothers McManus get a call from their somewhat twisted mother.
My only complaint is the commentary. It was just a technical filmmaking commentary (yawn!). I would give this a 5.0 and list it in the commentary recommendations section if they would have done a commentary with Flannery, Reedus and Dafoe. Oh well, they're making a Boondock 2, so maybe they'll make such a kickarse commentary for that DVD release.
GENERAL ADVICE: I don't care if you are a big bad Russian Mafia enforcer guy, don't start shit at an Irish bar on St. Patrick's Day.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:39:06 PM)
Rating: 5.00 dead hookers
Genre: Comedy
Starring: Norm McDonald, Artie Lange (who always seems to play Norm's brother for some reason), Jack Warden, Chevy Chase, Chris Farley, that dude who's almost always the evil fucker in the Adam Sandler movies
Plot: Norm and his friend are down on their luck and need to get $100,000 so they can save Norm's friend's dad from a heart disease, so they start a revenge for hire business. Then they run afoul of the "evil yuppie asshole guy" from the Sandler movies. Norm proceeds to make so many boneheaded moves, that you will lose your voice from shouting "No, you stupid fucker, that is a BAD idea!" at your TV screen. A lot of critics panned this, but I loved it.
Viewing Advice: If you are not easily offended and like dark comedy, you must see this movie!
ALso, after you watch this movie, watch the pilot episode of Stargate Universe on Hulu. Trust me, it is very satisfying.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:36:43 PM)
Rating: 4.00 wooden stakes
Genre: Horror
Starring: Some generic college students, a wheelchair guy, a creepy pale guy, a creepy yet ineffectual mercenary guy, Jason Scott Lee, that dude from Jaws
Plot: Drac's back again after medical students steal his body from the morgue and re-animate it, under the guidance of their teacher who wants to use vampire blood to cure his paralysis disease. The gang takes all of the precautions they can think of, including iron and silver chains around Drac, and leaving a bunch of seeds and a knotted net so that even if he does escape, his OCD will keep him busy.
And of course, everything goes exactly according to plan, Dracula doesn't escape, nobody betrays anyone else, and they all live long prosperous lives.
Viewing Advice: You're supposed to watch Dracula 2000 first, then watch this one. I know it seems like you should track down a movie called Dracula 1, and then rent 1,998 other Dracula movies first, but trust me on this.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:35:05 PM)
Rating: 4.00 something to do with dreams
Genre: Sci-fi horror
Starring: Dennis Quaid, That Creepy Old German Guy From Strange Brew, The Dude From Green Acres, Another Creepy Old Guy, Some Cute Chick, Some Creepy Young Dude, and Claymation Snake Dude
Plot: Dennis Quaid is a slacker loser who'se once promising career is gone, leaving him spending his days betting on the horses and dodges track thugs. But before all that happened, he made this movie. In it, he plays a psychic who joins a secret project which is endeavoring to send psychics into other people's dreams. He does not know that this project is really controlled by a badass black ops intelligence agency (you'd think a psychic would pick up on shit like this, but I guess not). Anyway, Quaid learns to go into dreams and then has to stop the evil assassin guy who also goes into dreams. Anyway, this is the flick that Nightmare on Elm Street ripped off. Not just the whole "evil nutcase who kills people in their dreams" bit either. The evil guy actually kills one of his victims by popping blades from his fingertips and slicing him up.
Viewing Advice: You cannot call yourself a scifi fan if you have never seen this movie. It's a frickin' classic.
<< < 1 2 3 4 > >>
|
|
All
4-5 Club
Crapfest
Middle Ground
All
|