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by Lord High Rikonian

12/11/2009 6:04:36 AM

Some of us thought that Russia was no longer a threat, but now we know better. Russia has developed an insidious new military technology: the hypno-missile.
This hypno-missile produced the bizarre spiral light in the sky above Norway. This missile can carried 10 nuclear warheads, or it can compel the populace to rob the Gotham Museum of Comically Oversized Diamonds.
We need a Batman now more than ever, so Christian Bale, if you are out there still, the free world needs you to tear down Russia's lights!

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by Lord High Rikonian

11/11/2009 4:06:20 PM

It was a long day at work. Dealing with stored procedures and user queries and other things too boring to detail in this entry. The drive home was long too. I had to go the long way around due to a combination of poorly laid out one way streets and bad traffic.
When I finally got on the right path back to my apartment, I notice that the car in front of me is familiar. It was in front of my car last week, and it is owned by a Mason (I could tell by subtle clues like the driving style, the older yet still fairly socially acceptable model of car, and also the "Free Masons" window sticker, which meant the driver is either a Free Mason, or believes that Masons are being imprisoned somewhere).
While I was pondering the possibility that this was a coincidence, the same Mason being in front of my car twice within a week's time, despite my never leaving work at exactly the same time. Then my left turn was coming up. And the car in front of me, this covert would-be architect of fate maintained his slow pace. I could see the other cars in front of him moving ahead. I could see the lefthand turn lane approaching, but still unreachable due to the Mason's rear bumper. I could see the lefthand turn light turning yellow, then red as I raced toward it.
But why? What reason would the Masons have for preventing me from making my lefthand turn on time? What sort of operation would they be performing at the local Target that was on that corner, that they would need to prevent me from interfering? And how did they know that I was one of the world's top anti-Mason covert oepratives? I hadn't even blogged about that yet. So I stopped at the Target, and looked around. No obvious signs of Masonic activity. So I went inside. Also, I needed paper towels. But mainly the Mason investigation thing.
My preternatural senses did not detect the waft of evil that typically follows Masonic activity. Just the faint wispy barely-there evil of Target (not nearly as evil as Wal-Mart, of course). I looked at my scanner (disguised as a wristwatch) and noticed that it was not sitting properly around my wrist. I rarely wear a wristwatch, and I told central command that this would be an issue. If a trained Mason saw my watch, he would know something was up. I keep telling them they need to give me a scanner built into a smartphone (but not iPhone, AT&T is a Scientologist front, and I need my Thetans where they are. They are a major source of my powers).
No sign of Mason axctivity near the plastic cups. Nor by the checkout registers. I did see a weird green glob of something on the floor, possibly Mason biological weapon. But more likely just a kid's gum. Either way, I avoided stepping on it, so I'm good.
As I left the Target, I did see something suspicious. A Salvation Army fund raiser with a bell. But not dressed in a Santa costume. Everyone knows the SA always dresses their agents in that costume. So this must have been someone else, under-cover. Not the Masons though, they're not that sloppy. So I left the agent alone.
Apparently there was no grand conspiracy this time, and it was just the Masons being dicks.

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by Lord High Rikonian

11/2/2009 3:40:41 PM

It is November 2, 2009. In one year, there will be an election. Sure, it's not a big one. B-Rock Obama-Wan is still going to be in office for at least 2 more years. But some congressmen will be defending their posts. Bond issues, referendums, and maybe even a Constitutional Amendment or two will be on the ballot.
So, while it's not the big election, it's still important. Which brings us to the question. How do you know you're voting right? Luckily, I'm here to tell you how to do just that.
Oh, I don't mean that I'll tell you who to vote for. That'd be presumptive to the extreme. However, the methodology you use to reach your vote must be correct, and that methodology is what this short survey will help you with. Answer these questions, honestly, when the time comes, and you'll know what to do.

1. Are you able to vote? If not, then stay home. That was easy, you underage noncitizen felon you!
2. Are you at all interested in the matters being voted on? Let's face it, some people just don't give a crap. If you're one, then stay home. Also easy. But if you care about who is in these offices, or what referendums get passed, then you must vote. It is your duty as a citizen.
But what if you care, but none of the candidates appeal to you? Well it is still your duty to vote. And if you continue reading, you will see why.

OK, assuming you answered yes to those last two, now you know that you need to vote, but you need to consider how to do so. Of course, you may not have a stance on every section of your ballot. So you may find yourself leaving some parts blank. This is acceptable, and often necessary.
3. For refendums, this is fairly simple, as these are binary yes/no questions, they do not invoke the difficulties of game theory. You either want it to pass, want it to fail, or don't care. So you vote yes, vote no, or leave it blank. But for candidates, it's more difficult.
4. Do you genuinely like either of the two leading candidates for the office? If so, congratulations, you know who to vote for, now get to it.
If not, then do you dislike them? If so, it is your duty to vote against them both. Even if the candidate you vote for cannot win, if it your duty, if you despise both leading choices, to make your voice heard. To put a chip in the "not those two jackasses" pile.
I know that you think it's a wasted vote. But the truth is, the wasted vote is the vote not taken. Or the vote cast for a candidate the voter does not truly believe in. And it is those wasted votes that enable the democrats and the republicans to continue to give us crap for choices every election. Because most of the people who actually vote are the ones who can bring themselves to vote for one of them, while those who are truly disgruntled with both stay home, figuring their votes are wasted.
This is the situation that leads to 50% to 49% totals, where close to 100% of the voters pick a democrat or republican while so many of us seem to be sick of both of them. So, if you find yourself angry with both leading candidates, then vote other. Vote third party, or write someone in. Sure your guy probably won't win. But then is that so much worse than the altenrative? If you'll likely vote "other" then you end up with a crappy congressman you don't like in office, sure. But then, if you vote like you're expected to, then you'll still have that, but you'll have actually asked for the corruption and incompetance that vexes you so. And really, doesn't that just make it worse?
So, if you're fed up, what are you going to do? Stay home and be silent? Add your chip to the pile of the status quo duopoly, or will you be counted as one of those who are tired of the same old crappy candidates?

You have one year to think about that.