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Realm of Rikonia
Rikonian Revuze (Movies)

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Star Wars 1: The Phantom Menace
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian (10/15/2009 9:39:35 PM)
Rating: 3.00 lightsabers
Genre: Science fiction
Starring: That dude from that Scottish heroin flick, Liam Neeson, some kid, Natalie Portman, some old dude who may have played the dean in Animal House
Plot: For a good plot synopsis, check out Weird Al's new single The Saga Begins. The film had good points and bad points, or should I say, Light Side and Dark Side. On the Light Side: Awesome special effects, cool acting from most of the cast, a pretty engaging plot, Darth Maul kicked ass, plus the usual Star Wars elements. The Dark Side: JarJar is even more annoying than I could have guessed. And he still lives at the end of the film, paving the way for his appearance in the sequel (ack!), the Trade Federation accents were the worst I've ever heard. I don't think any of these guys went to the same accent coach. One dude sounded vaguely Chinese, another sounds kinda Mexican, another almost seems to be doing a real shitty Dracula impression, and I swear one guy was Scottish! ("Anakin! Ye look like a wee lil baby! Get in me tummy! I want my babyback babyback babyback ribs..."), plus the theater's sound system was off balance and the treble was too tinny. I know this isn't the movie's fault, but what the hell. Anyway, the Trainspotting dude put in a great performance, as did Neeson. The guy who played Palpatine was cool too. But I look forward to the second flick, which should be better still.

Note: The preceding is, of course, an old review. I didn't edit the text to reflect my changed attitude after the other prequel films, but I did drop the rating down a bit, to reflect my slightly shifted opinion.

Viewing Advice: See the film, but try to do so in a theater with a perfectly tuned sound system, and don't eat beforehand. There's no gore or anything, but that JarJar could make you puke real easy.
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