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Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 4:53:10 PM)
Rating: 5.00 magic razor hats
Genre: 1970's kung fu epic
Starring: A magic hat. Also, a bunch of Chinese guys from the 1970's
Plot: It's China in the distant past. A time before such innovations as the automobile, guns, and eyebrow trimmers.
In this dark time, there is some serious strife in China, and a rebel hero known as the One Armed Boxer is sought by the corrupt new ruler of China. He is called the One Armed Boxer because he fights without weapons and because he only has one arm, thus giving new meaning to "unarmed combat". The One Armed Boxer is an amazing warrior, who is able to defy gravity and possesses incredible skill. Amazingly enough, he is also capable of subtle acts of shapeshifting, like how in some scenes he has a gut and in other scenes he does not, and in some scenes, a triangular bulge can be seen expanding from his back briefly. It looks almost like the missing arm was being clumsily hidden under the shirt and they didn't bother to do retakes, but several experts in the mystical Chinese fighting arts assure me that this sort of torso shapeshifting is the result of advanced breath techniques which channel the chi.
At any rate, the evil ruler of China wants the Notorious OAB dead. So he picks the only suitable assassin to send after a One Armed Boxer: a blind guy with a magic razor hat. The evil blind guy also possesses giant bushy eyebrows, which leads me to wonder if he was in fact truly blind, or if he could someday see again if he could trim those suckers. Sadly, since the eyebrow trimmer was apparently not invented yet, we will never know the answer to this question. The blind man may have been blind, and lacking in basic eyebrow maintenence, but he more than made up for it with his hat, the Flying Guillotine, which would fly through the air and lop people's heads off.
This movie has a one-armed guy fighting a blind guy with a magic hat. That alone is worth the rental, but there's more. The one-armed guy is played by Jimmy Wang Yu, who, in addition to having the perfect Chinese porn name, is also a megastar for playing one-armed guys despite the obvious handicap of actually having two arms. And the Flying Guillotine is also a major star of 1970's Hong Kong cinema. Not the old blind guy. The hat is a major star. So, when you break it down, this movie is, in addition to it's own merits, basically the Freddy Vs. Jason of 1970's Kung Fu.
But wait, there's more! You also get the tournament! An amazing martial arts spectacle where people from different lands fight using cheesy special moves. They even have an Indian guy with stretchy limbs (sound familiar, Guile fans?) and a guy named Win Without A Knife who has a very ironic way to win his fights.
Of course, no 1970's kung fu flick would be complete without some stupid writing. Like when a one armed bum is making trouble in a restaurant and the blind guy killed him, thinking he's that other one-armed guy. When confronted with his mistake, the Stevie Wonder of archvillains exclaims "I do not care! I will kill every one-armed kung fu man I come across until I kill the One Armed Boxer!" By the way, there are about three or four one armed guys in this flick.
Viewing Advice: To properly enjoy this movie you must be in the right mindset, which I will refer to as the "guy mindset". This mindset is one whereupon the subject enjoys seeing kung fu fighting, bad acting and ludicrous special effects. This is not the movie to watch if you want to see a serious treatise on ancient Chinese historical strife or gain any insight into the mystical or spiritual tenets of kung fu. But if you want to see kung fu fighting, a magic decapitating flying hat, and a cripple fight, then this is the flick for you.
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