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Realm of Rikonia
Rikonian Revuze
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Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 4:56:57 PM)
Rating: 1.00 shurikens
Genre: Shitty Ninja flick
Starring: Creepy One-Eyed Japanese Guy, Creepy Two Eyed Japanese Guy, Cute Chick, Cop Who Looks A Lot Like Todd McFarlane
Plot: Ninja III, the Domination? No, it's not shitty Hentai anime. It's a shitty Ninja movie. Evil Ninja guy kills a bunch of guys at a golf course, and then kills a bunch of cops and gets shot to death. But before he dies, he puts his soul into the body of this hot chick who works for the phone company. She starts dating the cop who looks like Todd McFarlane, even though he's one of the cops who killed the Ninja guy and she is now going out and killing those cops one by one because she's possessed. Meanwhile, One-Eyed Japanese Guy is stalking her to try to kill the evil spirit.
Now the complaints: The acting sucks. It looks like the producers hired the roadies from a frickin' Poison concert tour to do visual effects. There's this really frickin' stupid scene in this Japanese healer's basement where they chain up the possessed chick and she does some real crappy Linda Blair type stuff (this is why they don't have The Vault in Japan). Oh yeah, and this movie has a LOT of really shitty 80's music. You know the music I mean. It's the stuff that they never played on MTV or the radio and you only heard it in shitty movies like this. This movie did have one thing going for it, though. The Ninja fight scenes and Ninja murder scenes are pretty cool. Hell, before they bring in that stupid possession bit, this movie is pretty frickin' cool.
Viewing Advice: Do you like Ninjas? I mean, do you really really like Ninjas? Enough to put up with a really shitty movie, just to see some Ninja stuff? If so, rent this and fast forward through the non-Ninja fight parts. Believe me, you aren't gonna miss much.
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