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Rikonian Revuze
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Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:48:35 PM)
Rating: 1.00 has-been child actors
Genre: Shitty horror movie
Starring: That Kid From T2, Some Dork With Bad Hair, some Other Dork WIth Bad Hair, Frank Langella
Plot: Hey, remember Edward Furlong? The kid from T2? Well, after T2, his career seemed pretty hot. The country had "Furlong Fever." It seemed like he weas destined for stardom. So what happened to little Eddie Farthing? Well, he starred in this piece of shit. That's what happened. Yes, poor little Eddie Cubit couldn't get work as Kato Kaelin's sidekick after this dreck. You suck, Eddie.
Anyway, the plot is, Eddie Fathom is this horror film buff who orders a CD ROM game called Brainscan, that is supposed to be the ultimate horror game. The only problem is it makes him kill people. Oh yeah, and this evil imp guy comes out of the CD to harass him.
This movie has the most fucking unbelievably lame writing. Like when the principal shuts down the horror film club (because he saw them watching a horror movie) his lecture sounds like a bad parody of a 50's filmstrip "So, you like to watch horror movies? I suppose you also like to smoke marajuana cigarettes to relax or watch pornographic sex movies and get an erection and rape some woman" I kid you not, he actually said this. Even the biggest dillhole dumbass dipshit weinie of an authority figure would never be able to let out this sentence with a straight face. You suck, Principal Dude.
Frank Langella played the detective who was looking for the murderer. Too bad he was acting more like the dean from a college frat movie than a cop. You suck, Frank.
Oh yeah, I would be remiss if I did not mention Trickster. No, not the Mark Hammill-portrayed Flash villain (we should be so lucky). This Trickster is that demomic imp guy, who I guess was supposed to be scaring us all when he mutilated himself and pranced around Eddie Kilogram's room, but to be honest, Drop Dead Fred was much scarier than this dumb fuck. Hell, Right Said Fred is scarier than he is! In fact, they asked Right Said Fred to play the Trickster, and he said "I'm too sexy for this role... too sexy for this role... the screenwriter is an asshooo-ole!" Drop Dead Fred had pretty much the same response, which prompted Right Said Fred to sue Rik Mayal, just before Vyvyan and Mike snuck up behind him and shoved some dynamite down his shorts. Ah, those wacky Brits! Oh yeah, and you suck, Dorky Red-Haired Imp Dude.
Viewing Advice: Don't watch this. For that matter, I seem to recall Frank Langella was also in Masters of the Universe (another film not to watch) and Captain America (yet another film not to watch). So if Frank Langella is in a movie, you should probably put it down and pick up that nice Yahoo Serious movie instead. It'll be less annoying.
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