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Realm of Rikonia
Rikonian Revuze
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Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:52:38 PM)
Rating: 1.00 maps kicked into the lake
Genre: Slickly marketed disappointing shit
Starring: Three of the dumbest, most annoying people I've ever seen
Plot: What plot? Three college kids decide to make a movie, go into the woods, see some rocks, get lost, argue about getting lost, then get killed. But they don't SHOW them getting killed. No. The movie ends prematurely when they drop their cameras. When I saw this flick, everyone in the theater was LAUGHING. It's a better comedy than horror movie. I know the whole idea was to make a movie for a low budget that says "Ooh! Look! Scary!" while at the same time not costing a lot. But this film just kept saying "Oooh! Look! This doesn't cost a lot!" while at the same time not being very scary. Scariest part of the whole flick was that extreme close up of that chick's nostrils.
What I am trying to say here is... this film sucks ass! OK, it's not as stupid as Nowhere, but it is close. I am greatly saddened by this film because it is yet one more reminder that Mystery Science Theater 3000 is dead. Which is unfortunate, becuae that is the perfect venue for this movie.
VIEWING ADVICE:
Viewing Advice: The Blair Witch Project has got to be the lamest project I have ever seen. I would recommend seeing one of many other fine projects which you will enjoy a great deal more. Recommended projects include: Project X, The Manhattan Project, Colossus: The Forbin Project, or just buy the newest CD from The Alan Parsons Project.
And if you're looking for horror, see the Haunting instead. It may not be scary either, but at least you get effects, and Catherine Zeta Jones.
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