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Realm of Rikonia
Rikonian Revuze (Movies)

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Feast
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian (10/27/2009 8:32:50 PM)
Rating: 4.00 brutal eviscerations
Genre: Horror comedy
Starring: Henry Rollins, Jason Mewes, that Champion of the World guy, Navi Rawat, Clu Gulager, and some dude named Balthazar
Plot: An isolated bar filled with a disparate group of people. No working phone. No cell service. It's like they're asking to get killed by a monster.
But before we get to that, let's meat, er meet, the cast. No wait, I was right the first time. The old bartender is Clu Gulager, who is useful. But perhaps not as useful as Gallagher would be, because he'd have that giant sledgehammer. Henry Rollins plays a douchebag motivation speaker (that's a motivational speaker who is a douchebag, not a speaker who motivates douchebags. Although this character could realistically only motivate douchebags). Jason Mewes plays Jason Mewes. The Champion of the World guy from 30 Rock plays the schlubby beer delivery guy. Balthazer Getty is the movie's dumb jock type. The guy who always gets killed in this sort of movie (as the introductory subtitles point out. His younger brother is in a wheelchair, so that's a huge complication. There's also a single mother, a ditzy waitress, a badass asshole type. And the Hero.
You know he's the Hero, because he shows up right before the monsters start attacking the bar, he says he's the guy who's gonna save all their asses, and the helpful subtitle captions tell you he is. See, this movie has very helpful captions in the beginning that tell you who everyone is, what their jobs and/or roles in the horror film are, and their life expectancy, and always with a sarcastic touch. The captions aren't that helpful though because the Hero needs to be replaced a couple minutes into the movie. And that's the last spoiler I'll give. From here on out, the only thing to be spoiled is your appetite.
I will say, however, that this movie has fun with the expectations of classic horror movie tropes. It alternates between defying your preconceptions and revelling in the cliches. Will any of these people live through the night? Who will end up being the dirtbag who betrays the others and almost gets everyone killed (there's always that one guy)? Will Jason Mewes live to make Clerks 3? You'll have to watch an hour and a half of cheesy old-fashioned stop motion effects, brutal violence, and hilarious comedy to find out.

Viewing Advice: Watch this movie! It is very funny and it has a retro horror slasher flick vibe to it. But be warned, this is the most brutal horror comedy you're likely to see for a while. And also, a volume warning: Early on in the flick, one of the characters shouts something to the monster to the effect of "get the fuck out of here, you motherfucking monkey!" This line is very loud. It may even be the loudest part of the whole movie. So you may want to keep the volume down if you live in an apartment.
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