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Realm of Rikonia
Rikonian Revuze
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Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/3/2012 6:52:58 PM)
Rating: 3.00 spoiler tags
Genre: Sci-Fi
Starring: Cobra Commander, Die Hard, Diarrhea Dude From Dumb and Dumber
Plot: This is a fun movie. But it has some flaws to its logic. Unfortunately, one does not simple discuss time travel logic without spoiling the movie for everyone else. And unlike walking into Mordor, it's not like one can just get on one's giant eagle and drop the ring into Mount Doom. Seriously Gandalf, are you a fucking idiot or what?
But I'm not here to talk about how stupid Gandalf is. I'm here to discuss Looper.
As an action movie, Looper is fucking awesome.
As a noir movie, Looper is pretty good.
The characters in Looper are all very well done. In particular, they made it believable that Tommy Solomon's Young Joe grows up to be John McClaine's Old Joe. And kudos to the Fifth Element gag in the montage. I laughed my ass off at that joke.
As a time travel movie, however, Looper has some pretty goofy issues. For these, I shall use my spiffy new spoiler tag that the awesome webmaster of this site (That's me!) added.
The basic starting premise is fairly sound. The Mob in future has a time machine. They send enemies to the past, where they get killed and disposed of by guys called Loopers.
They also have a rule where
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if a Looper is still around when time travel is invented, they nab him and send him back to where his past self will kill his ass. They call this "closing the loop."
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OK, fine. As the narrator puts it "Loopers aren't exactly the most forward thinking people."
But right at the start, we get the major time travel screw up. This is bad. It's "Marty McFly's Amazing Headless Brother" bad.
| Ima risk it! |
Joe's buddy Seth gets his loop closed. Except, instead of killing future Seth, he lets him go. So now the Mob is after Young Seth to get Old Seth. They catch Young Seth. OK, so they kill him and Old Seth vanishes, right? Right? Wrong! Killing Young Seth would make a paradox. And that's bad. OK, so the Mob is more responsible with time travel than Starfleet officers. I'm oddly ok with that.
The mobsters send Young Seth to the surgeons. Ooh! I bet I know what they do! They put a bomb in Young Seth that'll go off in 30 years, killing him while he's on the run in the present! The sort of bomb that can't be removed without killing the patient! A foolproof and fairly temporally responsible plan. A nice surprise for a time travel movi... oh wait, they're not doing that. They're cutting bits off of Young Seth so we get to watch him fall apart in real time. A cool and creepy and brutal scene, but also a fucking stupid scene, which culminates in a fingerless, legless, noseless Old Seth driving to the rendezvous point carved onto his arm flesh until his disintegrating body can no longer drive and rams the car into a dumpster, leaving him to hobble to the door to get blasted.
Let's think this through. This means that, basically, Young Seth got his limbs hacked off and got himself denosified. Then the Mob keeps him alive for 30 years, sends him back, and he runs from Young Seth (How? You ain't got no legs, Lt. Old Seth!) and manages to get to the rendezvous point by driving a car he's incapable of driving until he suddenly can't.
And how is delimbifying Seth less of a paradox than killing him? It's not like Seth will be able to do any of the stuff he would have done in the original timeline. And, unless the Mob is keeping him in an isolated room with no contact, then he could conceivably say things that would alter the timeline further. But if the Mob is just keeping him in a black box room for thirty years, then temporally speaking, they might as well just kill him. This whole subplot is so silly, I'm surprised that zombie Graham Chapman didn't make a cameo to put a stop to it.
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OK, that's done with. If you can manage to get your suspension of disbelief back, the rest of the movie is actually pretty clever. There's a funny comic "beat" you'll chuckle at (then groan at your remembrance of this pun).
Most of the story is pretty engaging and dark. And aside from the bit in the spoiler tag, the time travel element is fairly well handled.
But I do have to wonder
Viewing Advice: If you don't mind some daft time travel logic, then watch this film. If you're still hung up on Marty McFly's brother being headless in that photo then maybe this isn't the film for you.
BTW, what the fuck? His body was born but his head wasn't?
Zemekis, TIME TRAVEL DOES NOT WORK THAT WAY!!!!
Oh yeah, I should also warn you that this film does delve into some dark territory like
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