|
Realm of Rikonia
Rikonian Revuze
(Movies)
|
|
|
|
| Go to film:
|
Sort By:
|
<< < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 > >>
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:28:44 PM)
Rating: 5.00 bats
Genre: Comedy (I think)
Starring: Johnny (greatest actor alive!) Depp and some other guy
Plot: Johnny Depp is Raoul Duke and the other guy is his "attourney" Dr. Gonzo. They are sent by a magazine to cover a big Nevada motorcycle race, and they take most every psychotropic substance known to man. This is a freak show. The hallucinations are freaky and rendered incredibly with the advanced visual effects used. But the best part of the story is Depp's voiceover running account of what's going on. "My God! The entire place was filled with reptiles, and somebody has given then alcohol! It would only be minutes before we were torn to shreds!" which he somehow delivers with a serious voice.
Viewing Advice: Watch this movie. But, if you do drugs, do not take them while watching. I don't know what would happen, but it would really fuck your mind up.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/27/2009 8:32:50 PM)
Rating: 4.00 brutal eviscerations
Genre: Horror comedy
Starring: Henry Rollins, Jason Mewes, that Champion of the World guy, Navi Rawat, Clu Gulager, and some dude named Balthazar
Plot: An isolated bar filled with a disparate group of people. No working phone. No cell service. It's like they're asking to get killed by a monster.
But before we get to that, let's meat, er meet, the cast. No wait, I was right the first time. The old bartender is Clu Gulager, who is useful. But perhaps not as useful as Gallagher would be, because he'd have that giant sledgehammer. Henry Rollins plays a douchebag motivation speaker (that's a motivational speaker who is a douchebag, not a speaker who motivates douchebags. Although this character could realistically only motivate douchebags). Jason Mewes plays Jason Mewes. The Champion of the World guy from 30 Rock plays the schlubby beer delivery guy. Balthazer Getty is the movie's dumb jock type. The guy who always gets killed in this sort of movie (as the introductory subtitles point out. His younger brother is in a wheelchair, so that's a huge complication. There's also a single mother, a ditzy waitress, a badass asshole type. And the Hero.
You know he's the Hero, because he shows up right before the monsters start attacking the bar, he says he's the guy who's gonna save all their asses, and the helpful subtitle captions tell you he is. See, this movie has very helpful captions in the beginning that tell you who everyone is, what their jobs and/or roles in the horror film are, and their life expectancy, and always with a sarcastic touch. The captions aren't that helpful though because the Hero needs to be replaced a couple minutes into the movie. And that's the last spoiler I'll give. From here on out, the only thing to be spoiled is your appetite.
I will say, however, that this movie has fun with the expectations of classic horror movie tropes. It alternates between defying your preconceptions and revelling in the cliches. Will any of these people live through the night? Who will end up being the dirtbag who betrays the others and almost gets everyone killed (there's always that one guy)? Will Jason Mewes live to make Clerks 3? You'll have to watch an hour and a half of cheesy old-fashioned stop motion effects, brutal violence, and hilarious comedy to find out.
Viewing Advice: Watch this movie! It is very funny and it has a retro horror slasher flick vibe to it. But be warned, this is the most brutal horror comedy you're likely to see for a while. And also, a volume warning: Early on in the flick, one of the characters shouts something to the monster to the effect of "get the fuck out of here, you motherfucking monkey!" This line is very loud. It may even be the loudest part of the whole movie. So you may want to keep the volume down if you live in an apartment.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 2/22/2011 12:40:33 PM)
Rating: 4.00 flea collars
Genre: Horror
Starring: Mario Van Peebles
Plot: Mario Van Peebles is a good cop! Er, sorry, I just love using that phrase. Saw too many bad 80's cop movies as a kid, I guess. Anyway, he is a good cop, and so is his partner, who gets all shot up and is probably gonna die. Then someone gives him a serum and he's suddenly fully healed and exhibiting superhuman abilities.
Mario is about the only one who thinks this is odd. Hey, you gotta get up pretty early in the morning to pull one over on Mario. Just ask Chris Lambert. He almost lost his head to the MVP in Highlander III.
Anyway, Mario's partner ends up killing himself, and Mario ends up joining the same super-werewolf squad that his partner couldn't handle being involved with. OK, remember what I said earlier about the MVP? Well, uh, maybe I spoke too soon. At any rate, Mario soon finds that the creepy European guy who set up the whole operation has a hidden agenda (oh really?).
Viewing Advice: This is a not a very good film, in terms of any great cinematic quality, but it is a fun film to watch. And in the end, isn't that all that matters. If you want a good action movie with superpowered werewolf cops to wile away 2 hours of a boring weeknight, then this is a damn good choice.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:16:22 PM)
Rating: 5.00 angry rants
Genre: Comedy
Starring: Steve Odenkirk, Jim Carrey, that dude who always hangs out with Martin Mull, a few other people
Plot: Steve "that thumb guy" Odenkirk (not the brother of the dude with hair on Mr. Show, as I beleived when I originally wrote this review) plays a guy who is really hostile and complains about everything. As he rants hilariously in his apartment, strange visions of some bizarre demonaic figure (played by Jim Carrey) keep haunting him and telling to to be ready for 8-o-clock. It's basically an Outer Limits episode spliced with a standuop routine, which sounds like a shitty idea, but it works!
Odenkirk gets progressively more and more high strung (which is good since that's the movie title) as 8-o-clock comes closer and closer.
Viewing Advice: Damn, this movie is funny. Go rent it at once. I laughed my ass off.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:24:31 PM)
Rating: 5.00 head-loppings
Genre: Fantasy
Starring: Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Clancy Brown
Plot: The flick that started it all. The plot is basically simple. Connor MacLeod is a Scotish Immortal who can only die by having a guy with a sword reduce his height by about a foot. The Kurgan is another Immortal who wants to kill Connor and claim the Prize (which apparently lets you rule the world and stuff). Unfortunately, the Kurgan is not only really strong, but also really evil. This film has awesome swordfights, cool flashbacks of Mac fighting Nazis and stuff), cool effects, and a killer soundtrack.
Viewing Advice: Definitely see this movie. Avoid the sequel.
Watch 3 and 4 (Endgame) if you wish. They're good but not everyone likes them.
Avoid the Source. It's even WORSE than Highlander 2.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:18:46 PM)
Rating: 0.00 head-loppings
Genre: Fantasy
Starring: Christopher Lambert, Sean Connery, Michael Ironside
Plot: I actually fucking rented this fucking movie, and watched it the whole fucking way through, and I can honestly and certainly state that it fucking sucks, so I hereby reduce it's rating to 0.0 fucking head loppings.
Viewing Advice: Don't fucking watch this fucking film.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 10/17/2009 5:22:36 PM)
Rating: 4.00 head-loppings
Genre: Fantasy
Starring: Christopher Lambert, Mario Van Peebles
Plot: Highlander III: We Can Learn From Our Mistakes! is what this should have been called. For those of you put off by H2:TQ, do not worry. There is no Zeist, no aliens, and no Sean Connery's ghost ("Help me Obi-Wan 007"). This is an entertaining movie, but I must say I prefered the first movie. Anyway, the basic plot is that some dude (I forget the name, but he was the guy played by Peebles) killed Mac's Japanese mentor but got trapped in an avalanche. Hundreds of years later, he emerges (thanks to excavation) and tries to kill Macleod. Peebles is really evil looking and has a creepy voice too, so he really works as a villain. There is plenty of comic relief though, particulary the mental ward escape scene. One thing was disappointing though: no Queen music in the soundtrack.
One thing puzzled me though. The Prize was supposed to make Connor really powerful, but he wasn't. Maybe the answer was in H2: TQ, which means I may have to watch it :(
OK, one other thing puzzles me. When you kill an Immortal you get his power, and we saw Peebles use that Japanese dude's illusion power, but how come we never see MacLeod (either one) using the funky powers of all those dudes THEY killed?
Viewing Advice: Yes, give this movie a shot. This is not a great movie, but it is a good movie.
Reviewed By: Lord High Rikonian ( 2/22/2011 12:40:03 PM)
Rating: 3.00 glowing leg scars
Genre: Sci-Fi action/whiny teen drama
Starring: A bunch of people I've never heard of, and Hitman with hair
Plot: The movie is like what would happen if the Smallville writers wrote a screenplay and Michael bay produced it. Mainly because that's what happened.
The lead actor was kind of "meh, whatever", but the supporting characters and villains were entertaining (kinda like in Smallville). Olyphant was a pretty cool protector, and the lead evil alien was both a credible threat and a nice bit of comic relief ("Don't you want to play with it? It wants to play with you!")
The evil aliens were interesting visually. They look kind of like Eastern European MIBs, only with short fangs and nose gills. I like that they didn't look like generic space villains, but look close enough to existing archetypes to click with the viewer.
The action was very cool, with explosions, awesome leap moves, #6's wicked cool teleport-fu, and a variety of space weapons, car crashes and TK stuff to keep me entertained. Michael Bay's influence on the action scenes is apparent. And that is a good thing. Unfortunately, the action scenes take far far too long to arrive. We had to deal with far too much winy teen angst in the interim.
And it's cliched whiny teen angst. As soon as they showed the douchey football bully kid and the love interest chick, I knew right then that space teen would fall for her, the bully kid would get his friends and either try to grab the girl or beat up the space kid or both, and the space kid would easily beat them. I knew all that in under 30 seconds. But I had to wait about a half hour or so for it to play out.
Still, despite its faults, the movie is entertaining. If there is a sequel, I hope they focus more on alien on alien fighting and less on whiny teen stuff.
Viewing Advice: On the one hand, if you rent it, you can skip past the boring drama stuff. On the other hand, if you don't have a kickass home theater setup, you should see it in the theater for the awesome Baysplosions.
<< < 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 > >>
|
|
All
4-5 Club
Crapfest
Middle Ground
All
|